Emails from a very contested Divorce with a Covert Narc
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I love my sons. I miss being a family and my sense of belonging. To do reading tutor, swimming, the County Fair with just me and the boys will never feel quite right to me. It just won’t. I will NEVER get over not being a family and the loss I feel. There will always be a reachable, sudden grief about this ending. With my therapist I searched for a word the past two years has felt like. I came up with Humiliated.
I will survive, but in part of me there will always be a HUGE miss. And in the lives of the boys a giant miss we won’t know for years. I felt the same way with A. My despair was deep and hopeless for a long time. After 10 years we are more close, like when he was a child.
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I appreciate you sharing your understanding of boundaries and your specific ones. It would behoove you to study them more deeply and determine why people have weak or no boundaries to begin with, and where this comes from.
This is where YOU started with me when we first met.
In fact the very first time we were ever together on a date you “trespassed”…not horribly, but you had no problem crossing a clearly marked boundary in a field. I noticed this, felt there was no harm done, but it has ALWAYS stayed with me as a marker of what boundaries meant to you and that you did not recognize that No Trespassing Signs apply to you too…even then I sensed you felt they were for someone else.
What it told me was you had no trouble trespassing on someone else’s land. Later, I learned you could trespass on others’ possessions including feelings, emotions, beliefs, prayers, resources, family….. which you have done with me.
Setting up physical walls are mostly external while personal boundaries must be set internally and learned and tested over a period of many years. They can sometimes change. They can be solid or semi permiable. You can cross boundaries with the appropriate documents and words and feelings that would be summed up in the word TRUST.
Your boundary setting around the Blue House is very recent. For most of our separation I could drive over and pick the boys up. Mow lawn. Work my bees. Cross back and forth without any problems. I picked the boys up on the toboggan all winter long without incident.
Then, after almost two years I reduced your monthly allowance to $2000. I Filed For More Custody/Time with the boys. I told you I did not want you leaving the state with the boys on your vacations. I still payed for the domestic economy of the Blue House.
You response was to immediately file an HRO because I was not doing what you wanted me to do. It was denied within 24 hours by two judges.
Again, certain things bear repeating including things we both have said and continue to say. This is not something you are typically fond of doing so AGAIN I appreciate you defining what boundaries are for you and your specific ones.
Here is a link to boundary setting. Worth reviewing if you are at all interested in another perspective. This would also be rare for you. Other perspectives can actually help a person learn about the world outside themselves. Try it out with your Mom, your brother, and people you call your friends and see what they think and feel.
CV (covert narcissist)…You can claim, and have on more than one occasion, that you know me very well,that you know me better than I know myself. This is a bit of an impossibility at this point. You have had very limited contact with me since December 2020.
I agree. I have had VERY LIMITED time with you. But do you honestly think you are a different person than in 2020?
You think you are someone different then the day you were married? Then at 16 years old? That the passage of two years between us makes you a different person?
I doubt your attachment style has changed. That is not a small thing. And I also believe that you are no different at 40 years old when you were dumping me than 44 when you are suing me in a court of law. I think you have the same contradictory set of emotions around relationships, marriage, divorce and losing your family. I believe you have the same issues articulating emotions which feel alien to you but you know are there. I think you are pretty much the same person. I could be wrong.
I am glad you mentioned the “limited contact”, because that is an understatement:
The details of “limited contact” are Thanksgiving/Christmas 2020 for 2 hours in the Blue House. And calling up the stairs for the boys this past April…maybe for a total of 3 minutes in the Blue House. 2 hours of mediation in Mpls. 3 hours of mediation and a couple hours of face to face time locally which accomplished nothing toward creating a Settlement outline. One time you stopped by the Coop unexpectedly for dinner. You stopped by for birthday cake at M’s. That is pretty much sums our time together the past two years.
The longest time we have been with each other is taking C to his consultation with the orthodontist. Please (if you have it) let me know the dates of that appointment. I paid for the procedure at that appointment and would like to know the date we started. You were very nice to me because I was spending money on you and C. If you have a copy of the invoice I’d also like to see that. Six hours of driving side by side.
What I just described to you is hardly any facetime in two years of separation. Pretty limited. Seems like I have adhered to your face to face boundary setting very well. If we were face to face talking 16 hours in two years what would that look like? .000570% not even a 100th of 1 percent…..a pretty small amount of time. In two winters maybe I was in the Blue House a couple of times to get in out of the cold. Was that overstepping your boundaries?
I left the Blue house in Oct 2020 and we tried to work together through that holiday season, but it did not work. We were done.
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Not only is it possible to KNOW you very well, but I have learned MORE about you and know more about you than before we separated…. and I understand and know your Family of Origin better too.
Most couples who divorce say, “You learn MORE about someone at the end of the relationship than at the beginning.”
This would be true with me.
Your true colors came through at the end of our relationship OK? I was with you for 10 years and now 2 years of separation.
I do know you and I know you struggle with your sense of self, abandonment issues, a strong sense of entitlement, very little if any sense of place and belonging. You can’t establish internal boundaries, you suffer with hyper-vigilance and maintaining healthy relationships. You are passive aggressive and lack anything but Cognitive Empathy. OK? I know these things. I saw them. I lived with them. You ignoring them does not make them disappear.
Separating from you and the Blue House does not change my memory or perception of you…and with my own therapy and distance you actually became much clearer to me. I struggled and suffered for a long period of time in complete confusion about why our marriage was over. You never explained that. You never will. This told me a great deal about you. This told me about your family of origin and what happened there.
I got no closure. THAT told me loads about who you are. Do you understand NOT talking, failing to have closure, going full Stonewall reveals more about you than if you had written an autobiography.
Knowing all these things does not make me your enemy. I was your partner and I cared for you, I fell in love with you and then C was born and I felt it was important that you and I were married because marriage (for me) is a sacred place/vessel to help keep Family intact…. We got married. Then we had R and by then I could see it was going to be difficult to manage our relationship..We were NOT communicating. You talked about Conscious Relationship but did not practice it because you could not talk in a genuine way about yourself and your feelings. You could not trust me or yourself. Small cracks in your False Self appeared. I pried them open.
Now we are getting divorced. To say I don’t know who you are because I have not seen you for two years does not hold much water with me. It does not hold water with anyone else that has been in long term relationships.
It may be that you feel you don’t know very much about me and are simply projecting.
I have not seen my first wife for most of 15 years and I would not only recognize her, I could tell you what she was having for dinner and what she was talking about, and the kind of people she hangs with. I bet her golf handicap has not changed. People don’t change much. Things get set early on (by 24 months) and (except for the clothes you wear) we are pretty much set.
Was your father different after NOT seeing him or speaking with him for 5 years? Is R different than she was at 32? Not really.
CV (covert narcissist) I have chosen to reduce my communication with you, because, as you have personally noted more recently, it is a necesssary strategy to protect one’s self from an abusive partner
You’re right. I find texting the worst way to communicate ever invented. Especially with emotional content. So I blocked your phone except when we exchange the boys.
I am not an abusive partner. This is a lie. This is a made up piece of shit. I believe YOU are the abusive partner. The Stonewalling would be one example of your abuse.
If I was abusive your HRO would have been granted. It was denied 2 times.
It’s true I have written you emails you did not like. Some angry text messages as well as caring and hopeful emails and text messages. I have written to your family and friends…not much, but some. I am guilty of trying to communicate, and for the most part I don’t do that much anymore except in these emails. Remember, you are welcome to DELETE EMAILS BEFORE YOU READ THEM.
I have been emotional with you. I have told you the truth of what’s happened to me and asked for some guidance and empathy from you which I never got. And I have honored your “space” and “boundaries” 99.99% of the time. OK? If you use the “16 hours of face to face time with you in two years” You have not seen me very much.
You have lived free in the Blue House, and you, your friends, family, have access to the property. Aside from mowing, (which I don’t do anymore), and my bees…. I am not on the property. True, I visited the boys while you were gone and spent some time at dusk at the Blue House. Dusk, my favorite time when everyone is thinking the same way.
Please remember it is marital property. I am not trespassing. Something you never learned…. and the judge agrees with that. He agrees you do not understand trespassing.
I have never “violated” any boundaries. Violation is stealing something from you or physically or emotionally over time abusing you or purposefully trying to hurt you by hurting the boys…NONE OF THESE THINGS HAVE EVER HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND ME….I have not violated or abused you. The amount of back and forth we have had with our houses, families, and emotions falls easily within the normal range of what happens when you get divorced. It is stressful.
It’s true I have been on marital property where you happen to reside. The judge said I had a right to be on the marital property….go tell the judge. In my opinion you are mostly without INTERNAL boundaries…so there is no way you CAN’T believe and feel your boundaries are crossed. My opinion.
I don’t doubt you are scared. You live alot by yourself. You are often alone. You have been alone much of your life. You grew up in an abusive household. Your parents were children themselves. They looked to you for support and encouragement. They lacked empathy and understanding and maturity. They were below average parents (imo)…Fortunately other people i.e. teachers, coaches, friends, mentors, your Americorp experience opened up other ways to see yourself. In the beginning I felt I also opened up some new avenues for you.
My Dad was an asshole. My mom lost her father when she was 18. My older sister accused my dad of incest (recanted) then called it emotional incest. My parents were married 65 years. Your dad came home one night with his girlfriend and threw you, your mom, and brother out of the house.
Terrible things can happen in our family of origins, and these Traumas need to be processed and resolved. Many people including your mother and father never processed and resolved anything. Your dad drank and smoked himself to an early death because of failing to deal with the trauma deep inside him. OK? You would agree with that right? His mom and dad must have been pretty hard on your dad. Then losing his mom in a car wreck would be something very difficult for anyone…especially a child…to recover from.
Generational Trauma happens. You want to deal with it?
CV (covert narcissist)I stopped talking to you about me and asked you to stop talking to me about you beginning in December of 2020.
I am not sure I ever had a heart to heart genuine conversation with you about anything meaniful I could describe as Reciprocal. You just stopped talking. The years of time did not matter. After a 10 year relationship, while we are married with two young boys, our families intertwined, when I am separated from my home and my boys, literally exiled across the pasture and we have divorce ahead of us….you stop communicating? WTF? What are you? A robot?
People don’t just stop communicating. They try to figure it out. If they can’t figure it out they get divorced…AND even then if they are Human they don’t USE the other person for two years and pretend nothing happened and the relationship never existed.
I am not a robot. This separation and pending divorce has been emotionally devastating to me. Apparently you don’t have any feelings about it because you NEVER mention feelings. You never sit down and talk to me.
To stop talking to me and me stop talking to you? Only YOU could possibly think this is “Boundary Setting”.
This is the exact definition of Stonewalling.
This also happened WAY before our separation. You stopped talking. You had no bandwidth. It is incredibly hurtful and abusive to stonewall another human being as you have done relentlessly with me for many years.
Your lack of empathy astounded me. I wanted to know WHY? Why not reach out and say,
“I am sorry this is happening. I fell in love with someone else or I fell out of love with you. Let’s work together on this divorce. You are a decent guy and have treated me fairly throughout our relationship. You are the father of our beautiful sons. I just don’t love you anymore and want to be divorced. I am sorry”…
If you could have said ANYTHING approaching that…it would have helped tremendously. But you never said anything approaching that. You gave me a box of books and a box of clothes for the boys and expected me to manage my 65 yo life without you and the boys and the house and everything else we had built together. And then you expected to live in the Blue House as before, like you were entitled to all the accoutrements and money and status of marriage but you did not have to be married….just not divorced yet.
You quit. You found someone else and your relationship with me was over. Not a pretty thing. Not fair and never explained. I had to figure it out.
CV(covert narcissist)…Why you cannot see that this is obviously the case with the study of psychology you claim you have undertaken is a mystery to me. Protecting oneself from a person that either has no cogent understandingof overtly stated boundaries or from a person who knowingly violates known personal space boundaries is not stonewalling…and your claims of such are woefully errant.
Don’t you DARE try to weasel your way out of what has been a harshly, brutal and purposefully hurtful Stonewalling by calling it Boundary Setting. You are simply deflecting the Truth. It is NOT boundary setting. Stonewalling was a corrosive Silent Treatment long before we separated.
Look up Stonewalling and WHY people do it. Please. You did not TALK to me during our marriage in a genuine reciprocal way. If a difficult subject came up you ignored it and stonewalled me. You felt criticized if I tried to talk about it, so I gave up trying to talk OK? Remember “I have no bandwidth”? Now you try and go back to REWRITE what happened by calling it something else…. to feel better about it and to justify it and to be more self righteous…but in point of fact it was classic Stonewalling just as it is today.
I went down and talked to your mother not long after our separation. I sat in the kitchen over tea with S sipping a Busch Lite. Your mom said absolutely nothing. Nothing. Not one word. She said, “I don’t know anything about it” and I could tell I would never talk with her again and I never have. I realized she was an older version of you.
Here is a short piece on Stonewalling and what it is and does to relationships. You need to learn this shit if you are ever going to have another relationship and even in your relationships with the boys.
What do you think they see when I am in the complete DARK about your trip to NY?
You think they see a mother who is Boundary Setting? NO. They see a confused and hurt Dad who does not understand why he was not told your plans which took you away from the kids for a week. They are 8 and 4. Not 28 and 24.
A huge reason I left the Blue House is you could not regulate your emotions around talking about anything emotional or ANYTHING that was critical of you or different from your neuro atypical view. Your dad was the same way. You learned it from him.
CV (covert narcissist)…This has gone on for 22 months. 22 months where you, yourself, have stated that you have no idea what is going on with me because I won’t tell you. Good. That was what I was going for.
“Good. That was what I was going for.”
This is the fucking definition of Stonewalling.
And what do the boys learn from this? What do they see and feel when they sense you ignoring, stonewalling, being completely dismissive of DAD and treating me like a nanny? What do the boys See, Feel, Learn? What do they internalize about dealing with people that love you or that they love? Tell me what they learn. I dare you to tell me what the boys learn from your “secret” trip to NY>
For C, “It is completely NORMAL to stop talking to people you said you loved and love you, ate dinner with, slept with, shared thankful prayers at the table each night, went to weddings and funerals and events with. Not Talking and Not Trusting yourself to talk genuinely is NORMAL”…Uggh. It is NOT normal.
Do you not see what you are teaching the boys? It is fine to quit a family and blame it on someone else. This happened in your family of origin and it is happening again.
Yes. We will divorce. But the kids will learn Trust, Openess, The ability to talk with strangers, how to swim strongly, how to jump with their bodies and emotions and caring and empathy. They will know Genuine from False. They will know right and wrong. They will see through small and dismissive people and open up to wide and gregarious and hopeful people. They will not hide. They will not be ostriches. They will not pretend to love, but genuinely love. They will take chances. And they will care for the people they know care about them.
You Stonewalled for YEARS before we separated. I left BECAUSE you were not talking. It was a way to punish and hurt me as it is today. It was a way to minimize me and control me because you knew how much it hurt me not to have a genuine/trustful conversation with you….even in therapy with we barely had that. You did not tell me what was going on with you since we met. You are the personification of Stonewalling babe.
CV (covert narcissist)…I have kept lines of communication open around the children and their dealings only the entire time.
Right. And recently you went to NY and did not tell me you were going. The longest trip you have taken away from the boys ever. Is that keeping “the lines of communication open” around the boys or anything else?
Again, in anyone’s book, this would be Stonewalling 101. Not good and transparent and in good faith. Co Parenting as I have pointed out is about transparency and honesty. This behavior is very confusing for the boys to have their mom be secretive and non transparent.
You should apologize to them and me for this very childish behavior. If your friends agree with you that your trip is NOT Stonewalling, you might want to check your friendships out and tell them to read the definition above.
CV (covert narcissit)…I have had no interest in sharing the personal details of my life with you, agian, for the fact thatyou have behaved in unacceptable ways towards me, and I have been very, very consistent in my follow thorugh with that practics
Sure. I repeatedly asked you what was going on with you INSIDE and you could not share it and never did. You rarely shared the personal details of your life, but the little bits and pieces you did share, or your mother or other people shared with me including in therapy and LIVING WITH YOU FOR TEN years gives me a pretty good idea of how you operate in the world.
Sorry. You cannot live with someone for 10 years and have them be a complete mystery. I saw Who you were and how you operated. In separation it was even more clear who you are. You are both good and bad. Not ALL one or the other. And you are NOT perfect. AND you make lots of mistakes. And you fuck up. And all of your family does too.
Welcome to the Human Club. You are now a member.
CV(covert narcissit) …You can also claim that your emails are “truth”, but the actual truth of that matter is that they are solely your opinions. Yelling louder by typing in all caps does not make it any more true. They remain opinions.
Agreed. I have opinions about you and the rest of the world. To say you come from a troubled family of origin is an opinion, not a personal attack. No one escapes the trauma of childhood . Did you have Emotionally Intelligent relationships with your parents? No. Me either. Welcome to the Family of Origin Trauma Club. You are a member of that too.
CV (covert narcissit)…I decided to no longer be in a relationship with you. You have refused to accept my decision and have decided to insist that me having a choice of my own isn’t an option with your behavior.
I accept your decision, but I do not accept you LIVING LIKE YOU ARE MARRIED. I WANT a divorce but you are Stonewalling and Avoiding Divorce.
You are projecting what happened in your relationships with your parents (especially your mother) and projecting it onto me. Yes. You made a decision to NOT be in a relationship with me a very long time ago, like maybe on our first date, while you tried to Individuate/Separate from someone else. Someone way more hurtful and abusive than me.
If you cannot tell the Truth you corrupt the instinctual mechanism that gives your life meaning. Sure. We each have our truths. Each person has to try to tell their truth. If you withhold or omit the truth…it can be a lifelong problem.
I think you have a really hard time telling the truth to yourself and of yourself and to others. OK? That’s an opinion. You even told me as a child you had to problems with that. That is partly how I see you and experience you. End of story. Call it an opinion. Call it a theory. If you do not agree with that…FINE…this was my experience of you.
Does it make you bad or unloveable or a terrible person?
At first because I wasn’t vested in you or us or the boys…but then I got vested emotionally in you and Telling The Truth matters ALOT at that point. And I have been incredibly hurt by your lies and lack of transparency and your untruthfulness about many things.
For many, many months I have asked you to work diligently with your attorney Ron (not his real name but mymy small insult to him) to come up with a settlement plan that is fair and equitable. I have asked you to do this since you filed for divorce. In October its 2 years since we separated.
Today I got an invoice from my attorney for $5000. I have spent $14,000 on attorneys so far and you probably have too. And I am paying for all this. It is totally fucked up misguided use of the money I have worked my entire life for. Mediate a settlement and save some money. Jaysus.
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I want to get on with my life and you have no interest in me getting on with my life because YOU don’t want to get on with your own life. If you did, I assume you would have left the Blue House by now, found a new boyfriend, and started living the life you want to live and believe you are entitled to live without me (except for the money)…and last time I looked you are still living in the Blue House bitching at me on my dime. OK?
CV (covert narcissit)…You did not and have not given my requests and boundaries any respect whatsoever, save for a couple of weeks after my HRO filing, which, I might add, you are you are back to the exact same behaviors that were of concern to me in the first place, proving to me that you know exactly what you are doing.
Judges don’t live in my house or inbox and they have a very limited scope on what is happening between us. That does not mean that you have not been harassing me. You are back to the exact same behaviors that were of concern to me in the first place. proving to me that you know exactly what you are doing.
The TRUTH is 2 independent judges looked at your HRO and denied it. Your claims were false and had no merit. Do you understand there was no Harassment and no Abuse and no Stalking?….if there was why would two judges decide there is not?
How many times since you asked me NOT to come up to the Blue House to pick up the boys during exchange have I come up?
How many times have I mowed the trails in the field?
How many times have I entered the Blue House?
How many times have I driven across the property in my truck? 1 time when you were in NY.
How many times have I entered the bee yard without first texting you to tell you I am in the Bee Yard?
I mowed around the solar ONE TIME and I can drive around the gate if you fail to have J mow around the solar. Open your eyes sister. I have respected your walls/”boundaries.”
I drove on the yard on the mower with C and you screamed I was a “fucking stalker”. I am sure I can drop him at the gate on Thursday because his sprain seems mostly healed. I am respecting your walls/boundaries.
CV…I have chosen to push you further and further away from me because you will not listen
I am full of listen and often compassionate listening, but you have to do the same. It is not a one way street.
And you push me away to try and Individuate. I actually DO LISTEN and have been pretty compassionate about your atypical neurology. The most of anyone or any man in your lifetime. Way more than your parents, but I will not listen if you are not telling a truthful narrative. I will not.
I have encouraged more therapy. I have said I would pay for credentialed therapy in the area of Disorganized Attachment and BPD and ADHD and ACOA. I remain empathetic to the Trauma you have lived through.
Have you ever said ANYTHING about helping ME get through all this shit? Have you ever reached out to me and ever asked me “How are you doing?” “How are you handling this?” “Is there something I could do to help?”
NEVER. NOT ONE FUCKING TIME.
CV (covert narcissit)…And you refuse to respect me or my family or my friends.
At one time I did respect C. Now I think she is a quack. I also believe she struggles with the same Family of Origin issues you struggle with, and I think most of your friends are in the same Trauma category. C is just further down the pike and the years have layered over it and she found where she could work and live alone and find some measure of contentment.
At one time I did respect E, MT E, your brother, your mom, even your dad. At one time I respected Sh (I still think he is a decent carpenter)…I don’t respect your Grandfather one iota. I think he was a jerk and abusive to everyone he knew including R and M you, me, everyone.
What has come out over the past 10 years and our two years of separation and the way you have treated me in this period fall along the natural lines of Divorce and has made it impossible to respect these people for who they ARE and WERE. For what they represent in the narrative of your life, I do not respect them.
They are WHO they are and our paths do not cross anymore. And I am glad for that.
CV (covert narcissit)…It isn’t because I am hypervigilant, as you say, it is because you are actively threatening me when youviolate known boundaries. Threats do not always need words and actions always speak louder than them.
No. I have not “actively threatened you”. I believe you have Hypervigilance and I will continue to believe you have Hypervigilance. your therapist said you had it when she diagnosed your Avoidant Attachment Style. You even used the word “vigilent” in your filing. If you think moving away and living on your own with the boys in an apartment in River City or Salt Lake or Rio is going to make you less this way…move.
Are you inferior for this? No. Are you damaged or defective? No. Are you loveable and holdable and often decent? Yes. Did I love you less for your Hypervigalance? No. But it definitely made it be like walking on eggshells with you.
CV (covert narcissit)…This very consistent pattern of disrespecting and ignoring my boundaries is of great concern and it is very alarming, as it would be for anyone. People who are emotionally and mentally stable do not violate them so blatantly and purposefully with disregard for that person as you have done.
As I have pointed out in this and many other emails. I am very respectful of your space, time, “boundaries” as you call them. Please read the link above on Boundaries. Two judges agreed I was not violating boundaries or breaking any laws or threatening or abusive or stalking in ANY WAY. The fact the judges are not living in the Blue House or in the field doesn’t matter.
All that matters is they sense your Hypervigilance plays a huge role in how you interpret me. You interpreting ME is not the same as what is actually happening.
This is NOT gaslighting. I am not TELLING YOU how to SEE something differently, I am telling you OTHER UNRELATED PEOPLE are seeing it differently than you. They are seeing it the way I am seeing it and experiencing it.
CV (covert narcissit)…People who have strong emotional and mental health give other people the space they are asking for, they do not say the other person is a problem or has problems or has trauma that makes them ask for things they don’t need.
Actually when there is divorce and beautiful boys and a family being broken to pieces you bet strong emotionally healthy people like me do EXACTLY that as they try to figure out how to save their marriage and family. This is pretty standard in healthy, normal people. I am not going to let everything I have worked for the past 12 years be flushed down the toilet by you because you have not dealt with the deep issues within you. You think divorce will solve your childhood traumas?..Did it solve Carol’s? Did her children have happy productive marriages? No. They married and got trauma bonded to people they eventually divorced AND had children with that SAW all that and will repeat all that unless it stops.
CV (covert narcissit)…They do not consitently reviolate knowing boundaries making personal attacks upon that person to them and the peole who care about them. Saying you are not dangerous in no way, shape or form makes you dangerous.
But YOU saying “Tom is dangerous” makes Tom dangerous? It does not work that way. The judges did not believe your story. Your story that “Tom is dangerous” is not true.
CV (covert narcissist)…The fact that there is incredible inconsistency between what you say and what you do, and thathas been a long held pattern for you, causes me concern for you and for me. Your consistent disregard for me and my requests, which include you regualary coming on this property you claim you have so “generously” allowed me to live on when I have ad infinitum asked for space with my voice, by way of an HRO petition and most recently with my request for use and possession of the home, causes me concern for you and me and the children, and with good reason.
Whoa…there is just so much Word Salad here I am going to leave your comment alone and simply say watch Thict Naht Hahn tell the young boy to look DEEPLY within himself and change the father INSIDE him and not outside him.
If ALL your problems come from the outside (ME/MONEY/HYPERVIGALENCE/ OTHER PEOPLE/Feeling Trapped/feeling abused) you cannot heal or have genuine relationships.
You cannot change the outside…only the perception of it by changing the inside. Pretty simple.
CV (covert narc)…Also, my idea for imporvement is as it has been since I chose to stop being married to you. Leave me alone and respect my boundaries. It is simple
You mostly already have that. What you and I don’t have is a final Divorce Decree. We are still married. We have two beautiful boys together for the foreseeable future.
If you believe your life is going to be simple, and clear, and understood and easy now or in the future AFTER DIVORCE…you are very wrong. Just my opinion. You are trying to change things with Divorce that are outside yourself. Good luck with that.
AGAIN I appreciate you trying to spell out what you think and feel about your feelings on boundaries, but I will NOT let you blame shift, gaslight, boldface lie about what is ACTUALLY happening and why.
What you call “aggressive” is me FINALLY saying NO to you and your family and friends. I started to set boundaries and the court is starting to set boundaries and THAT is very uncomfortable.
Your reaction is to make it as uncomfortable for me and the boys as possible by exaggerating your harassed and abused situation. You have made me very uncomfortable by name calling, setting hard to maintain boundaries, not being transparent and truthful, keeping me from the boys arbitrarily, spending money that is not yours. Living in a house that is not yours.
I have told you many times I love you and care about you the ways you have let me which was a very very very small amount if any. I tried. I really tried. I love the boys and they love me back in many normal caring ways. They have empathy, understanding, love, and attention from me. They KNOW who I am because they see and feel it and realize love is there EVEN when they are not with me.
I have spent more time with my sons than my father ever spent with me…even WORKING with him for 40 years…My Dad was a workaholic and not reachable as a human being most of the time. I know that feeling.
Please send me any info on Pan that you have, Date Started. Times we went up there. And you are free to move forward with the Rochester Dentist if that is what you decide.
Repectfully and with Honesty,
This morning I got copies of the second round of Discovery Requests from Ron. You will receive a similar request from my attorney to YOU as well. ChaChing…ChaChing…your attorney is going after the BIG MONEY apparently and doesn’t know you are friends with B and R, E Iand I, and M and J and kids…I hope you realize that the more you push for extracting money out of my business the more likely it is these people are NOT going to want to spend time with you and the boys. Do you understand that? You are biting the hand that feeds you and the boys and C and R’s friends.
This is their LIVELIHOOD. You do not know about LIVELIHOOD as you go around feeling ENTITLED to other people’s money and lives. The 3 Amigos are NOT going to appreciate you going after this money. They are going to resent it. They know what side their bread is buttered on. Do you?